


The Tug

by sauvignonfierce



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Angst, F/M, First Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-05
Updated: 2013-12-05
Packaged: 2018-01-03 14:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1071408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sauvignonfierce/pseuds/sauvignonfierce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He wanted to hold Tara and Abel and Thomas and shield them from anything Jax could throw their way. But it wasn't his place. He knew it wasn't his place. He knew his place."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Tug

                Tara didn’t know what it was at first, that little nagging feeling in the back of her head when she saw a bike parked in the driveway. Jax hadn’t been home at night for what seemed like weeks, but was actually only a few days. The bike wasn’t Jax’s though. She knew that vehicle inside and out, and it definitely wasn’t his. She smelled cigarette smoke and walked around the house to see a figure sitting in a swing on Abel’s playset, cigarette in his hand. It was Juice and Tara felt that feeling again, something pulling her towards him and something pushing her back. His head turned around and he smiled slightly. She’d always liked it when he smiled.  
                “Hey, Doc,” he said, patting the swing next to him. She put her purse down next to her and took a seat.                   
“What are you doing here, Juice?” She asked, gripping the chains tightly, her feet planted on the ground. He rocked a little bit in the swing, taking another drag.   
                “Came to check up on you,” he replied.   
                “Jax sent you?” He shook his head.   
                “Not this time. I thought…I hope it’s okay that I’m here. If you want me to leave, I can go and-“   
                “Juice, it’s fine,” she said with a smile, reaching over and touching his shoulder softly. They sat in silence for a few minutes before she spoke.   
                “Juice, why do you do this?”   
                “I dunno. Felt right, I guess. I never really had anybody to count on and when I met Jax, the club sounded like something I’d never get anywhere else.” She tried hard not to chuckle at that.   
                “Is it still what you want?”   
                “I’m still here, ain’t I?” He said, a slightly pained tone in his voice.   
                “That’s not much of an answer, Juice,” she pressed further. Out of all of the boys, he was the one she knew the least, apart from the new arrivals. Occasionally he watched Thomas and Abel for her, at the hospital or the house, but they had never really had a conversation like this.   
                “I don’t really know anymore, Tara,” he said. Was that the first time he’d said her name around her? She couldn’t remember, but the feeling was back, this time in her chest, not her head.   
                “Jax told me what you did, Juice. What you tried to do.” He tensed up and she put her hand on his arm, squeezing gently. “I’m so sorry.”   
                He was staring at the ground, his jaw clenched and she could see through the dark that his eyes were shining and wet.   
                “Well, it didn’t work,” he said, almost defensively.   
                “I’m glad it didn’t. I’ve always liked you, Juice. You’re a good guy.” He sort of twitched when she said that, her hand still on his arm. But he brought his hand up, and put it on hers. It was warm and soft, his skin papery over hers. She smiled again and they sat together, his hand covering hers, for what could have been hours.   
                “Do you want to come inside? Gemma’s dropping the boys off soon, but they should already be asleep,” she offered hopefully, standing up. He dropped his hands and shook his head, standing in front of her.   
                “I shouldn’t. I should get back. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”   
                “Please stay, Juice,” she said, a look of worry and sadness crossing over her strong features in the dark. “I’d really like you to stay.” Her voice was quiet and he nodded.   
                “Of course,” he said. She took his hand, cupping it in hers and led him inside.   
  
                He sat on the couch as Gemma dropped the boys off and Tara put them to bed. He fiddled around in the kitchen, making himself useful and preparing two cups of tea. Tara took one gratefully and sat next to him on the couch, having changed into jeans and a tank top. Her legs folded under her gracefully and he took off his cut, tossing it over the back of the couch. He could feel it on his skin, hating the way the leather constricted his chest and the raw noises it made when he moved.   
                He couldn’t remember the last time he thought something positive about his cut or his patches. He wanted to burn them now, wanted to forget he was ever called Son. He wanted to hold Tara and Abel and Thomas and shield them from anything Jax could throw their way. But it wasn’t his place. He knew it wasn’t his place. He knew his place.   
                “Why don’t you leave?” Tara asked suddenly. “I know it’s not easy, but it’s not impossible.” Juice looked at his tea, the hot tinted liquid stilled in his grasp.   
                “It’s possible but where would I go? I mean, the club’s all I’ve got. I don’t have any family or friends outside of Charming.” She watched his face while he spoke. He looked so tired, as if he had been telling himself he had nowhere to go every night for years.   
                “There are always options, Juice. Always.”   
                “Not in this life, Doc.” She had half a mind to slap the back of his head. If there weren’t options, she was going to die here. That much she knew was true. She wanted to take Juice and the boys and leave, start a new life where they could be happy. She bit her internal tongue before adding the word ‘together’.   
                “When I was a kid, I used to think I’d be some badass computer hacker working for some big company,” he blurted out, a small smile on his face.   
                “Oh yeah?”   
                “Hacking and all that shit was my escape from my deadbeat mom and my sisters. I loved it, I still do. I never expected this to be my life.”   
                “I don’t think anyone did. Jax and Opie maybe,” she added. “You can change. You don’t have to be Juice forever. You can be…” she realized she didn’t know his real name. She remembered when she found out Chibs’s real name was Filip when he was in the hospital. It had come as a shock because she never really thought about it.   
                “Juan Carlos,” he said, amused when he realized her dilemma. “Not much better than Juice though.”   
                “Juan Carlos,” she said, feeling the name slide over her tongue and through her lips. “Juan,” she repeated. Briefly she imagined murmuring his name into the side of his neck while he undressed her, his hands on her bare back… She shook her head and came back to reality.   
                “No one’s called me Juan in a long time,” he said.   
                “I’m going to call you Juan from now on,” she said decidedly. “It’s a good name. He smiled and the tugging feeling came back to Tara, squarely on the left side of her chest.   
                “Thank you,” he said. She put her tea on the table and took his mug from his hands, placing it next to hers. He looked up, puzzlement clear across his face. She took his hands and made him look at her, her hand on his cheek.   
                “There is more to this, Juan. There’s a better life out there and I’m going to find it for my boys. Thomas, Abel and you.” His brows furrowed.   
                “Tara, I-“   
                “No. Listen to me. I’m not letting Jax get you killed, and I’m not letting you get to that place where you try to take your own life again. We’re getting out of here, me and you.” She leaned in and kissed him. She felt his body tense, but then relax. His hands came up to her face as she parted her lips for him. Their bodies moved together, her leaning over his firm chest, kissing him like their lives depended on it.   
                “Wait, wait,” he said, breaking their kiss. “You’re Jax’s old lady, I can’t do this.” She could hear the panic rising in his voice and she kept her hands pressed firmly to his chest, feeling his heart beat beneath them. The tug came back, in her heart.   
                “I’m divorcing Jax. I’m not trying to make you do anything you don’t want to do.”   
                “I want this, I really do. But it could get me killed.”   
                “That’s not going to happen, Juan.” She pressed her forehead to his and closed her eyes.   
                “I believe you,” he said honestly. “I’m going to keep you safe.”   
                It was a promise, and he meant it. He felt everything. He felt Tara pressed up against him, felt the presence of the two small boys sleeping in the other room, and it all felt right. He thought he knew his place, at the bottom, under the thumb of Jax and the club. But he was wrong.   
                This was his place.


End file.
